Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
