You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
