And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
