I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
