no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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