Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have demons in me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
