Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
