I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
