just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
These tits shall not be calmed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
