I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
