woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
