I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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