i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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