Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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