I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize