I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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