You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
