Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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