i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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