Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
