I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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