Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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