More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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