All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
