I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
