I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
