It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Are these your boobs on my camera?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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