Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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