K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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