So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
