Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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