I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
