I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
