dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
