I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's Friday. Sex?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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