why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
