Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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