but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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