ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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