My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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