Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
