this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
