so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
