STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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