I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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