I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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