Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
