YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
