Farmville is her only friend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
