apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
