Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize