my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
