my sisters under your porch take her home
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize