remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
