I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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