you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
