Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize