Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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