In the future we'll all be gay
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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