there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
