Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
