you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
