woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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