I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
