I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
