you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize