Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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