opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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