Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
