i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
