There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love black thongs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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