are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
