Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
